Sunday, October 16, 2011
Happy Birthday baby girl!
One year ago today changed my life forever. After a long labor and waking up from the wooziness of the surgery drugs, I learned that I had a beautiful baby girl. I miss you every day little one. But today dad and I are going to celebrate. We will go to the pumpkin patch and pick you out a pumpkin. We will have a cake and will watch football. Today, we will remember you just as we do everyday. Happy birthday, Olivia!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
All in the span of one year...
One year ago today was Olivia's due date. At that time, I knew that the next year was going to be difficult... I just had no clue how difficult. Today, I thought a lot about how much life can change in just one year. One year before October 9, 201, Nick was just getting home from overseas. Again, at that time, I had no idea how much my life would change in one year.
I am not going to lie, a month ago I was in a sad place. I was having a difficult time missing Olivia and the life we should have had together. This month, I feel more optimistic. I know that the next week is going to be hard. I still miss Olivia jut as much today as I did on February 18th. But, today and this week, I choose not to be sad for what I don't have. But to be happy for what I have learned.
In the past year I have learned so much. I have learned the joy and happiness of being a mother. I learned that Nicholas is a caring, and loving caregiver- not just to Olivia, but to me too. I have learned that family needs to be my number one priority. And I have learned that I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
Looking back, I knew all of these things before February... but sometimes, you forget to look at what you do have. Sometimes, you loose sight of what you have in favor of seeing what you don't.
So... this week I will try focus on what I do have... and not what I have lost. Just because I have lost her, doesn't mean that she isn't with me. She is with me everyday. When I make a choice to call my friends instead of e-mail them. When I send a card instead of just assuming that the person knows I am thinking of them. When I say I prayer for the children who have CHDs, that I don't even know.
Today, I remember that I don't know what life has in store for me and that at this time next year I will probably be writing about things that I couldn't even imagine right now and thinking even more about what Olivia's year taught me.
I am not going to lie, a month ago I was in a sad place. I was having a difficult time missing Olivia and the life we should have had together. This month, I feel more optimistic. I know that the next week is going to be hard. I still miss Olivia jut as much today as I did on February 18th. But, today and this week, I choose not to be sad for what I don't have. But to be happy for what I have learned.
In the past year I have learned so much. I have learned the joy and happiness of being a mother. I learned that Nicholas is a caring, and loving caregiver- not just to Olivia, but to me too. I have learned that family needs to be my number one priority. And I have learned that I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
Looking back, I knew all of these things before February... but sometimes, you forget to look at what you do have. Sometimes, you loose sight of what you have in favor of seeing what you don't.
So... this week I will try focus on what I do have... and not what I have lost. Just because I have lost her, doesn't mean that she isn't with me. She is with me everyday. When I make a choice to call my friends instead of e-mail them. When I send a card instead of just assuming that the person knows I am thinking of them. When I say I prayer for the children who have CHDs, that I don't even know.
Today, I remember that I don't know what life has in store for me and that at this time next year I will probably be writing about things that I couldn't even imagine right now and thinking even more about what Olivia's year taught me.
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