Autopsy Results

Today we got the final autopsy results.  It was a bit weird because I pulled the coroner's card out this morning to give him a call but we were in a hurry so we said we would just call him when we got home.  On the way to meet my sister for lunch Nick got a call from a number he didn't know.  I told him to answer it because I thought it was the coroner- it was.  So we turned around to meet with him. 

The meeting was fairly short.  He gave us the doctors report from Waukesha and the report from Children's Hospital.  He also had printed off an article on her condition and showed us how her death certificate will read.

There was no surprise.  Everything on the report is exactly the way I thought it was going to be.  Olivia's little body was taken over.  She had an ear infection in each ear, bronchitis, RSV and the early on set of pneumonia.  She was sick- really sick but beyond that the death certificate also lists "other facts contributing to death." She had an undiagnosed congenital heart defect specifically, a ventricular septal defect.  Looking back I have no idea how I didn't know she was so sick but I really think that no matter how things would have happened, the outcome would be the same- or worse.

We are so lucky... we were in Mexico the week before she died.  How could I have ever forgiven myself or my parents if she died while we were down there.  Or... it was foggy out that night so she couldn't be flown to Madison.  If it wasn't foggy she could have died on that flight and neither Nick or I would have been there.  What if we did make it to Madison and they couldn't do anything for her?  Could I have gone 2-3 days knowing what was going to happen?  Looking back, if the outcome was always going to be the same, I am happy with how it turned out.  She didn't suffer.  Nick and I were there.  We got to hold her and say goodbye.  We didn't have make any heartbreaking decisions.  And finally, we had no clue it was coming.

You would think that getting these results might be upsetting to me... but it is not.  It actually makes me happy.  Olivia had a heart defect from the beginning.  Anytime during that 4 months we could have lost her.  Or... I had a long, difficult labor and delivery.  We are so lucky that she made it through that.  We are so luck that we had 4 months with her.  And as painful as it is everyday, 4 months is so much better then nothing at all.