Sorry for my lack of writing...

Sorry I took a break from writing.  I know that everyone wants to know how we are doing.  We are living up with the name of the blog... just taking it day by day.  Nick is gone now Monday through Friday.  I am working a lot more lately and trying to keep everything up with the house keeps me busy at night.  Lately, I have been getting the question "are you trying for a second baby?"

I am ready to let everyone know that yes... Nick and I would like to have a family again.  We want more children.  I miss everything about being a mom... well... maybe not waking up at 3 am or breastfeeding. :)  But I have reservations about actually becoming a mom again.  First, the pregnancy will be much more stressful this time.  There will be more tests and more worrying.  Also, while I think that having another baby will help with some aspects of missing Olivia, it won't make loosing her okay.  And it might make some things more difficult.  Before you have a child you wonder about what kind of parent you will be but you have some faith that everything will be okay.  Loosing Olivia shattered that for me. 

I was super scared of SIDS with Olivia.  It took a little bit but eventually I was able to sleep when she was sleeping.  I am not sure about that with another child.  How will I ever be able to sleep?  Also, there will be the day when our second child gets sick... will I be able to handle that?  I am not sure I can handle taking another child to the ER.

I know that these fears will always be there and I am not willing to give up my family because of them.  Nick and I will just have to find someway to work through them.  For now, just know that we do want a family and we are grateful that we continue to be in your thoughts and prayers.