Last week, I was driving home from a rough day at work and was just down in the dumps. A cardinal flew in front of the car so quickly that I just barely make it out. Without thinking I said "hello Olivia" and started smiling. On Sunday, on a whim I bought a Easter Lily. When I got home I realized that while all the plants there only had one stem, the one I grabbed had two. Now, the plant is blooming more beautifully then any Easter Lily I ever had before.
Finally, a few weeks ago I was getting scared that I was forgetting her. I can't remember her as clearly as before and I understand that this will happen. That eventually the time since I last held her will be so long that I won't remember everything as vividly. I had a hard time getting to sleep that night but in the morning I woke up from a dream and I could have sworn that I had just held her. My arms remembered her weight and the way that she liked to be held. I know that she came to me that night to show me that even if I don't remember things as vividly, there is a part of me that will never, can never, forget.
I like to think that all these little things are my little girl's way of showing me that she is still here. She is watching over us making sure that we remember her in a good way. That we remember her with a smile. While I will never be able to think about her and not feel somewhat sad it isn't the painful punch in the stomach that it once was. Healing is hard but I know that she will always be with us and she will come to me when I need her most.
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