Before Olivia died I didn't realize how many times words just don't work the way people want them to. I am sure that people don't mean to be insensitive or rude but sometimes people say things so obnoxious that I am literally left speechless. So here is my advice.
If what you have to say starts with "at least..." please keep it to yourself.
Let me explain. Yesterday, Nick and I bought an x-box kinect. Today someone told me "at least you will have time to play xbox now." I was in shock and I am pretty sure that the look on my face showed it. Who says something like that? Did they really mean that? Someone else said "at least you will have time to concentrate on your masters." Um... really? All I can concentrate on right now is making it through the day. I don't think I will be going back to school any time soon.
Even the well intentioned "at least she didn't suffer" makes me cringe. Just because she didn't suffer doesn't make it okay. Any parent out there would admit that they would make the trade off if need be. Would you trade a few days of your child suffering to still be able to tuck your child in at night again? I know I would.
"At least..." is a way to try to find a way that this is okay. A reason why loosing Olivia isn't so bad. Don't say it because there is no bright side. It is that bad and there is nothing but time that will make it okay. At least, nothing that I have found.
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