Today someone asked me how my baby was doing.

I knew it was going to happen.  It was just a matter of time.  Two weeks ago it happened through IM.  At that time it stung but I walked away from my desk... compiled myself and wrote back.  Today was different.  Today, it happened in person- at my desk.  It is weird how my desk has become my sanctuary at work.  When I am at my desk people leave me alone.  They rarely come up to me at my desk to offer their condolences or talk about what happened.  People approach me at the printer, the restroom or in the cafe but not at my desk.  I had got used to that.  Used to knowing where to expect Olivia would come up in a conversation.  It was my little way of coping.

Today, the little bubble around my desk was shattered.  I was at my desk and was happy to be seeing someone again that I had not seen in a long time.  She is so nice and immediately asked how my baby was doing.  I was shocked and heartbroken and I am sure that my face showed it.  I couldn't just walk away.  I couldn't figure out what to say.  Finally, I said... I am so sorry that you didn't know but Olivia passed away last month.  She started tearing up and so did I.

She didn't say much after that.  A few I'm sorrys and I replied that it was okay... she isn't the first and won't be the last.  It is okay and it is or... it will be.  After that I wanted so bad to leave work.  To go out to a long lunch or work from home this afternoon.  But I didn't, I stuck it out.  I am glad I did.  Like I said, it won't be the last time someone asks about Olivia and I can't always run.