Lately, I have really missed being a family. I miss being a mom. Nick and I didn't just loose our daughter- we lost our only child. It has been very difficult dealing with loosing Olivia but more then that, I feel like I lost my purpose. I suppose that it is the same kind of feeling that people have when their children go off to college- like empty nest syndrome.
When Olivia died I was just about to start her on solids. I thought a lot about how that was going to work logistically. With the military, Nick is out of town a lot and it was difficult to juggle her, Miller and my own needs. How was I going to fit feeding solids into that? Now, I miss that. I know I would have figured it out and as busy as a night ever was, I looked forward to getting home to spend time with Olivia. It really isn't the same now.
It is hard getting back to just Nick and I. Even before Olivia was born a lot of our time was spent on family... registering, getting the nursery ready, researching strollers and car seats. I don't really look forward to the end of the day like I did before. It is just Nick and I again and although I really love him, it is kinda boring around our house.
I know that it will get better. We will find new things that we enjoy doing together and we will figure out how to keep busy on week nights. And someday, we will have a family again. Then ,maybe in 20 years when we are again dealing with an empty nest it won't be so bad because we have been through it before.
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